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Sarcasm time: oh yeah, escort’s *totally* just hugs and rainbows. Nah, it’s gritty, man. Some are pros, some are desperate—life’s messy. Exaggeratin’ here, but feels like half Springfield’s in on it secretly. Bart’d probly say, “Cool, man!” Me? I’m like, “Eyeroll, whatever.” Still, respect the hustle. “Memory’s unreliable,” like the movie says—escorts bank on that. You forget, they jet.

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Ohhhh, my friend, lemme tell ya 'bout New-Square (us)! Ha ha ha, why so serious?! The city? It's a wild, chaotic playground, like, seriously. You gotta hit up Main & 3rd street – THE spot for that midnight taco run, ya know? Duuuuude, I code dating apps from my tiny loft near Rivergrove Park. The park? It's rad, with a river that snakes right through town – Slinkin' River, they call it. I once got lost wanderin' along Rivergrove, ya know? Ha ha, pure madness!

WATCH: Assemblyman Aron Weider, New Square Mayor Izzy Spitzer, and Moshe Kaff Discuss Success Of New Square Celebrations