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I knew this guy once—Jimmy, total schmuck. He’d “find a prostitute” every Friday, like clockwork. Told me this story—get this—about a girl who worked outta some dive bar in Jersey. She’d hum showtunes while, uh, “negotiating.” Showtunes! Can you believe it? I’m laughin’ my ass off, but also—kinda pissed. Why’s she gotta ruin *Oklahoma!* for me? I’m yellin’ at Jimmy, “That’s sacred, man!” He just shrugs, like, “Larry, chill.” Chill? Me? Never!

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I remembered one time, dashing down West Front Street, not in a rush – just feelin' free, like, “Je t'aime, la vie,” those Amour moments that hit ya hard. Man, I was so lost in the colors of the sunset at Tryon Palace steps; it’s like a scene straight outta Michael Haneke’s masterpiece. And oh my gosh, the river! The Neuse gently kisses the shoreline; it makes ya feel like every raindrop is a tear of joy, or maybe sorrow, idk!

New fishing pier breaks ground in New Bern