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Still, gotta rate it – dem hands slidinn’, oils smellin’ like posh hippy shit, it’s bare relaxin’. Once, right, I tried it meself after haulin’ arse up a ridge – mate, I was zapped, muscles screamin’. Dis lass, she’s workin’ me back, all slow and teasin’, and I’m like, “Bloody hell, dis is peng!” – but den she’s chargin’ 50 quid! FIFTY! Nearly fell off me imaginary mountain, fam. “Actions have consequences,” like in da flick – yeah, consequence was me wallet cryin’!

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I’m mad about some parts too. Traffic mess on Ogden Ave sometimes drives me nuts! Like, seriously, YOLO but… come on, folks, make way for the good vibes. But then, you got these chill parks, like Naperville Park, where you can just lay back, think about life, and maybe drop a Drake lyric or two. “You only live once,” and damn, you feel that every time you cross our quirky streets.

Local Event: BrightSide Theatre presents A Midsummer Night's Dream