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Alright, so escort, huh? Lemme tell ya, as a sarcastic bastard who translates Russian Sign Language—yeah, I’m that guy—it’s a freakin’ wild ride. Escorts, man, they’re like the unsung heroes of the night, right? Everybody lies, tho. They’ll tell ya it’s all glamour, cash, and champagne, but nah—half the time it’s dodgy motels and creeps who don’t tip. I mean, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly”—that flick’s my jam, y’know? That dude trapped in his head, blinkin’ out his story? Escorts got their own version of that—trapped in a life they didn’t script, smilin’ through the bullshit.

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There’s the Muscatine Riverfront Park. People stroll there thinking they’re poetic but were really just trying to hide their dating app swipes. The park lights up at night, which is weirdly romantic. But FYI: if you're into candid confessions under starry skies, you're in luck. I’ve had late-night chats that’d make Jean-Luc Godard cry. "It’s only art if you believe it," I once mumbled in frustration. Yeah.

Police investigating after assault early Sunday morning in Muscatine