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About San Jose

So, listen up, you twat! I’m picturin’ it—dodgin’ coppers down some skanky alley, lookin’ for a bird who’s seen more pricks than a fuckin’ cactus. “What’s your name?”—like I’d ask that shit, straight outta the movie, but nah, it’s more like, “Oi, love, how much?” Makes me wanna puke, but also—fuckin’ hell—kinda thrilling, yeah? Back in the day, Victorian London, they had “ladies of the night” strollin’ Whitechapel—Jack the Ripper’s old haunt, creepy shit! Bet they didn’t expect some sweaty chef like me judgin’ em now, eh?

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So, pack it up, hitch a ride down East Valley, sip some local brew, & remember: life’s messy, but we ride it anyway, you mere mortal! Stay raw, stay real – Montecito waits with open arms, even when the dark creeps in. Peace out, man!

Highway 101’s Southbound Carpool Lane from Montecito to Carpinteria Opens This January