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I tell Dave, “Look, genius, you wanna risk it? No insurance covers that!” He’s all sheepish, mutterin’ bout loneliness. Aww, broke my heart a lil – but c’mon, man, get a dog! I’m thinkin’, this fool’s gonna end up broke or busted. Prostitutes ain’t cheap, y’know? Heard a story once – some john in Vegas paid $500 for 20 minutes, got robbed instead. Hella wild! Laughed my ass off picturin’ it.

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Oh! And yo, don’t miss Mapleton Central Park – it’s a hidden gem, with old oak trees and a killer vibe for picnics (or even those flirty first dates!). I even found a perfect bench there once, when I needed a break from my code jams and debugging tears. Its enchanting quietness has "The Hurt Locker" intensity – tension then BOOM, relief!

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