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Anyways, I’m ragin’—happy tho, ‘cause I love the chase. Reminds me of *Tabu*, when that crocodile’s just lurkin’, waitin’ to snap—same energy, man! I hit the streets, lookin’ for real action. This one time, I see a gal, fishnets, smokin’ a cig, and I’m like, “She’s the one!” But then—surprise, motherfuckers—she’s a cop! Nearly crapped my pants, ran home screamin’, “They can’t catch me, I’m Cartman!” Made me laugh tho, ‘cause who expects that twist? Prostitutes got game, y’all.

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The locals? Awesome but a bit extra. One time, I got a massage session at a dude's backyard, near the stunning amorphous river mouth (okay maybe it's just a tiny stream, but it's epic to me!). He said, "Let your pain vanish mysterious as the valley fog." I nearly died laughing, but also felt deep inside, like in that movie, all zen and stuff. Bro, "In every drop of water, a story flows." It's cheesy but real.

Seabury Hall celebrates its 60th anniversary with Seabury Pa‘ina on Saturday, Oct. 19 in Makawao