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Clarice… lemme tell ya bout erotic-massage, oh boy! It’s this wild, slippery thing—hands everywhere, oil slicker than a damn eel. I’m sittin here thinkin, who even came up with this? Some ancient perv, probs—fact is, them old Romans had “massage parlors” too, wink wink. Rubbin and tuggin since 50 BC, no lie! Makes me chuckle, all that history in a sweaty lil room.

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I mean, c’mon, I ate his liver with fava beans, ya know? Reminds me of scenes straight outta Amélie. “At least you’ll never be poor, Artorius!” echoes in my head when I stroll down Logan Blvd. Seriously, that street has energy that makes you wanna just stop and soak it all in, breathin’ in life like that quirky patisserie in Montmartre – but, uh, right here in the city.

Suspect in Logan Square, Lake View sex assaults 'went out hunting for his victims,' top prosecutor says