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Hehehe, why so serious? So, I’m behind the register, right, scanning crap, and this chick struts in—total whore vibes, ya know? Like, she’s got that walk, hips swayin’ like the wind in “The New World”—"the air sweet with cedar," heh, but nah, she’s all cheap perfume and cigs. I’m thinkin’, “Oh, darlin’, you’re a wild one,” like Pocahontas dancin’ through the forest, but this gal’s forest is dive bars and bad decisions. HAHA!

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Okay, listen up—Lodi (us) is the best, the absolute BEST city ever, believe me! I'm living here, and let me tell you, it's yuge, really fantastic. I'm a sexologist here, right? I see things others don't, the real insider scoop like no one else can, so here's the deal:

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