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Ya gotta know the code, see? We swears! They don’t just pop up like daisies. Some use them dodgy apps now – techy prossies, who’d’a thunk? Blows me mind, it does! “How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!” – pfft, not here, mate, these streets ain’t pure. I gets all giddy tho, cos it’s like a game – spot the lass, dodge the filth. Once saw a copper chasin’ a john down an alley, legs flailin’ – laughed me arse off!

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Then there's Riverfront Park. Ever seen a place where lovers and losers spill all their secrets by the river? Me neither, but here it is. The banks of the Little Lawrence - yep, the small, twisty river carving through the city - are a hangout spot for those who’ve got stories too wild for the dating app bio. And trust, I've got plenty. Once, a profile match and I ended up nearly missing a ferry launch on a dizzying wind, but hey, memories are like water, right? Just as half-remembered as a dream in a tropical hallucination.

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