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Oh, and the pics – dick pics everywhere, ugh! Hiss! Why, lads, why? Ain’t impressin’ no one! Me mate Dave, he says it’s “modern courtship” – bollocks, I say! It’s a circus, a freaky, steamy circus! Still, gets me blood pumpin’ – swipe, match, meet, maybe more? Hiss! We wants it, we needs it, but it stinks sometimes! What’s yer take, eh? Spill it, ya git!

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I also gotta rave about the quirky neighborhood vibes. Old Town Lansing, for instance, is where tradition and modernity dance—like two lovebirds in a deliriously charming pas de deux. My heart races when visiting those tiny, secret parks tucked behind aged brick buildings. Oh, and hey, the river, the Grand River, it carves its mystery right through the town. Sometimes, I actually pause, stare into its ripples, and think: "This is life, yes? Citius, altius, fortius!"

‘No Mow May’ begins in East Lansing