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We haggle—$50, $60, whatever—she’s actin’ like she’s doin’ me a favor. Fun fact: in Amsterdam, they got unions for this shit. Here? It’s a free-for-all, and I’m dodgin’ cops like I dodge clinic duty. She’s all, “No kissing,” and I’m like, “Fine, I’m not Ritchie anyway.” *Tenenbaums* ref, duh—nobody gets it. Makes me happy, tho, ‘cause I’m a smug prick. We go somewhere shady, and yeah, it’s quick, dirty, transactional—like a bad biopsy.

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Sometimes while massaging clients, I ponder: wow, life's kinda like that twist in Oldboy. I'd murmur "so be it" under my breath when life's absurdities hit. And gosh, the spa? It's near Sunrise Dr. – literally, I get game-time views of sunrise in the window. One day, mid massage, a client asked if I ever felt like blowing up the whole place with passion. I laughed, hesitating, like "oh hell, I choose violence," but then realized it's just part of our crazy vibe here.

Lacy Lakeview city council upholds termination of former police chief Jeron Barnett