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Alright, mate, listen up! I’m Gandalf, yeah, the wizard, and I’m here to tell ya ‘bout findin’ a prossie—err, prostitute—in a world gone mad, like in my fave flick, *Mad Max: Fury Road*. Picture this: the wasteland’s wild, sand’s blowin’, and I’m stompin’ through, staff in hand, shoutin’, “You shall not pass!” to any dodgy blokes tryin’ to rip me off. I’m lookin’ for a gal, right, someone to share a fire with in this crazed desert hellhole—kinda like Furiosa, but, y’know, for hire.

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I got a bit mad once when I found a shite sculpture in the square. I shouted, "Idiot sandwich, sort it out!" People stared like I was a crazed lunatic. But then, I realized – art is messy, a bit like life here.

‘Our hearts are heavy beyond measure’: Irondale police lieutenant hit, killed while directing traffic at Church of the Highlands