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But wait—here’s the juice! Did ya know, back in the ‘50s, some hookers in LA used code words? Like, “Got a light?” meant “You buyin?” Crazy, right? I’m picturin Solomon whisperin that shit in the dark, dodgin overseers! Anyway, I keep huntin—find this other gal, skinny, twitchy, smokin a cig. I’m like, “Hey, darlin, you free?” She nods, eyes dartin—shady as fuck. I’m thinkin, “Lord, gimme strenght,” quotin Patsey from the flick, ‘cause this chick looks like trouble!

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I run a spa here (yep, I own the best one in Hellertown, definitely no cap). People always come in stressed out and leave like they’ve just stepped outta a zen dream. I always get this weird rush when I see folks chilling in our local hideouts like King's Meadow Park (oh man, it's a gem, seriously!). But... sometimes I get mad! A few weeks back, some punk left trash near the water along River Drive. I was fuming, like, "C-3PO, how could they?!" Total heartbreak moment.

What’s on the Menu for Hellertown Restaurant Week?