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About San Jose

So, I’m stumblin’, half-drunk, half-genius—prolly both—down some sketch alley. Neon lights flicker, like, *we have to go deeper*, and I’m laughin’—why? ‘Cause this dude, right, this crusty-ass pimp, rolls up, gold tooth flashin’, tryna sell me his “top girl.” Bro, she looked like she been workin’ since the 1800s—fact! Did ya know prostitutes in old London used to carry lemons? Scurvy protection, bruh—wild! Anyway, I’m like, “Nah, fam, I ain’t payin’ for no fossilized cooze!” He got mad—fuck him, I’m Eric Andre, I don’t bow!

Crimestoppers has launched a campaign to tackle the rise of so-called 'pop-up' brothels

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Then there's the scenic River Mirth that wiggles its way through town. I swear, each ripple sings a lullaby of old stories, kinda like that one time at my spa when a client whispered, "Sacra mundi!" mid-massage—so surreal! And oh, the parks: there's Maple Knoll Park for a brisk run, and the little-known Hidden Nook right off Whispering Lane. Now, I'm not one for tourist traps; Hidden Nook is my secret haven where I unwind, letting my mind meander like the babbling brook in the background.

Guilford has a wrestling club. And one of its wrestlers just competed at nationals.