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I’m thinkin, “This ain’t no country for old men,” right? She’s got that look—like she’d kill ya with a cattle gun if ya short her cash. I’m laughin, “Rarrgh! You friendo?”—total Chigurh vibes. We haggle, she’s all, “50 bucks,” I’m like, “Fuckin 50? For what, a handshake?” She rolls her eyes, “Take it or leave it, fuzzball.” I’m mad, but damn, she’s hot, so I’m in.

What really happened at the Glencoe Massacre?

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First, you gotta hit up Maple & 3rd. That street is like the heart, you know? Quirky cafes, artsy murals, and locals who always have a smile. I always get the feels when I walk there. Srsly, it's like a scene from Pan's Labyrinth – "This is your new world" vibes, but, like, in a city where every corner hides a secret gem.

Grocery tax? Tree protections? Glencoe explores possibilities under new home-rule status