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Funny bit – some apps got “ghosting” down to an art. You’re chattin’, feelin’ saucy, then – poof – gone! Like that geezer in “Ten” who buggers off mid-row. Infuriating, but I laugh, cos what else ya gonna do? Oh, and the profiles – *crikey*! “Luvs Netflix n chill” – mate, who don’t? Be original, like me fave line from “Ten” – “You’re not a whore, you’re a woman!” – proper deep, that. Sex-dating’s full o’ posers, but dig past the muck, there’s gold.

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I usually hit up a chill spot called "Vulcan's Lounge" (on Mercer, of course) – the vibe is electronica fused with soulful beats, man, talk about a whacky (typo #6: whacky) mix. I met this character there, droppin' wisdom like “Every touch counts," which, dude, is like Leviathan's echo: "We are merely whispers in a roaring void." Bam!

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