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About Houston
Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, cargo transportation manager, and I hate everything. ‘Specially prostitutes. One time, hauled a truckload of crates—surprise, one splits open. Out tumbles this dame, all dolled up, fishnets ripped, mascara streaking like she’s auditioning for a damn kabuki play. Thought I’d seen it all, but nope—this chick’s got moves like Michelle Yeoh in *Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon*. “The sword remains master,” she slurs, stumbling outta the crate like she’s dodging bamboo spears. Hilarious, right? Nah, pissed me off—ruined my schedule.
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