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So I’m searchin’, right? Web’s full of ‘em—craigslist, backpage, whatever. Sketchy sites, shady dudes, pisses me off! “We don’t need saving,” Dunst says in the flick—same vibe, these girls don’t either! Independent, tough, I respect that, bigly. One time, this gal—hot, hottest ever—tells me she’s got a PhD. A PhD! Blew my mind, folks, shocked me. Prostitute with brains? Rare, super rare.

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And oh man, there's a neighborhood called Petal Place. Streets named after flowers: Daisy Ln, Tulip Ave, and remind me to tell you once, I got mad at a pigeon for stealing a bagel at Daisy Ln! Crazy birds! My inner pleasure coach gets giggly when I say that, like, "Fantastic!" in that Wes Anderson mumblin’ kinda way.

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