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Pro tip: late-night swipes hit different. 2 a.m., everybody’s horny, desperate, real. Daytime’s all posers. Oh, and sextin’—don’t overthink it. Just say wild shit, keep ‘em guessin’. Got ghosted once, pissed me off, but whatever, their loss. I’m out here, livin’, fuckin’, laughin’ at the madness. Sex-dating’s a circus, and I’m the clown king, baby!

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You gotta check out Beacon Street – it’s lit with world-class food trucks and random street artists. I once got a weird belly massage from a free spirit there – trust me, it’s epic! Sometimes my body and soul get all sync up like the film, "Boyhood", and it’s trippy, like every second is a beat.

Deputies looking for donut-cutting vandals that damaged school fields