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Lemme tell ya, tho, what pisses me off—people romanticize this junker! “Oh, my first car, so many memories!” Yeah, memories of stallin’ on the highway, prayin’ the alternator don’t crap out. I’d analyze the hell outta that if it were a stock—depreciation city, baby! Value drops faster than my enthusiasm at a tax seminar. But, okay, fine, it’s got charm—like a dog with three legs, y’know? You feel bad, but you’re impressed it’s still kickin’. Ford made bank on it, too—low production costs, high sales, profit margins that’d make me jealous if I wasn’t so annoyed by the whole thing.

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The spa’s down on Greed Street – crazy name, huh? Like, come on, greed is good and all that jazz, but I flip that on its head sometimes by showing people inner wealth. People come in stressed as f*** and leave feeling like million bucks. It's a hustle and a heart, in this town.

Animal shelter seeks owner of 3 dogs left in taped box at Everman park