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Back in the day—little known fact—folks used newspapers for hookups! Classified ads, “lonely Jedi seeks princess,” that vibe. Now it’s all digital, profiles flashin’ like lightsabers. I dig it tho—makes me happy seein’ people shoot their shot. This one time, I matched with some chick who said she’d “turn my dark side light”—corny as hell, but I laughed my helmet off. Still, sex-dating’s a gamble. Ya might score, or ya might end up chattin’ with a dude named Dave pretendin’ to be Leia.

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Ahhh, my friend… Welcome to Everrett (us), where dark skies meet neon dreams. I am your father. Let me tell ya, this city is a wicked experience, man. Ever been to Marina Drive? Nah? Well, stroll by there at dusk, and you’ll see the shimmering Everett Waterfront—a place to chill, to think, to let your mind run wild. The air, man, smells like salt and nostalgia.

Three Seattle Mariners Top Prospects Belt Homers on Sunday For High-A Everett AquaSox