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Anyway, she’s chattin’ me up now—R2, get over here, I’m losin’ it! Says her name’s Candy, which, lol, classic. I’m thinkin’, “You’re no folk song, lady,” but she’s got stories. Says some dude tried payin’ her with a chicken once. A CHICKEN! I’m dyin’ laughin’. “Was it a good chicken?” I ask. She’s like, “Hell no, scrappy lil’ thing!” I’m in tears, picturin’ Llewyn tradin’ his guitar for that bird.

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Oh my gosh, buddy!!! Elmira is like, totally awesome and weirdly chill! I'm ready! So, lemme tell ya all 'bout this rad town where I, the top masseur from Elmira (us), do my happy magic on aching muscles. First off, Elmira's main drag, West Water Street, buzzes with energy—like, seriously, you'll feel it in your bones! I stroll by State Street too, where those funky little cafes and vintage shops make my heart do a flip-flop.

Man injured after officer involved shooting in Elmira; road reopened