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But oh man, the escort could piss me off—carburetor actin’ up, fixin’ it in the rain, hands black as sin. Once saw a dude soup up an Escort XR3i—turbo screamin’, thought, “Whoa, this ain’t no happy little tree, it’s a freakin’ beast!” Surprised me, legit—didn’t know escorts could flex like that. Fun fact, y’all: they raced these bad boys in rallies, kickin’ dirt, takin’ names—ain’t that wild?

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The river, oh sweet lawdy, the Eaton River, flows right by the East End. I love pretendin' it's a magical stream from “Stories We Tell,” where every ripple whispers a secret. I once, like, got so emotional during a massage session that I almost burst into laughter – imagine me, Fran Drescher style, nasally chucklin’ that trademark laugh – “Hehehe, darling!” It was like my own mini show.

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