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Alright, listen up, pal! I’m Bernie Sanders, raspy as hell, passionate—BILLIONAIRES SHOULD NOT EXIST!—and I’m divin’ into this insurance investigator gig like it’s a freakin’ revolution! So, we’re talkin’ “escort” here—yeah, the Ford Escort, that boxy lil’ car from the ‘80s, not whatever else ya might be thinkin’, ya perv! I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ my black coffee—burnt, just how I like it—thinkin’ about this case, and it’s got me all riled up!

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Now, check it – Sunnyside Park is my fav spot. It’s got that rough-edged beauty, kinda like, you know, nature’s midnight embrace. I’d love to spend hours there, watching couples whisper gullible secrets, gettin’ all inspired for my work. You might see some wild murals on old oak trees, strange phrases carved in, like “the soul remembers, brother!” – totally Uncle Boonmee style.

Westmoreland athletes of the week: Greensburg Central Catholic’s Eva Denis, Ligonier Valley’s Duncan Foust