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Oi mate, so I’m standin’ there, cash register beepin’, and this bloke comes in, reekin’ of cheap cologne, askin’ me—James Bond, suave, “shaken, not stirred”—where to find a prostitute. Me, I’m thinkin’, “What am I, yer bloody pimp?” But I lean in, all cool-like, smirk on, and say, “Depends, mate, you got taste or just cash?” He’s all twitchy, nervous, probly his first rodeo. I’m pissed tho—why me? Why not Google it, ya twat? But then I’m like, whatever, let’s have some fun.

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Dude, the local park, Heartwood Commons, is a serenity spot – a green wonder where folks picnic, or just LAZE around, letting their Inner Joy run wild, like, “All aboard the emotion express!” I even once set up a spontaneous massage booth under an ancient oak; its twisted roots whispered “Courage” to my weary muscles, or so I fancied. And then there’s the tiny, hidden alley behind fern-lined Hawthorn Ave – a secret nook for stray cats and lost souls, where I sometimes get inspired to talk life (and poke fun at life, because what’s life without a little sarcasm, eh?).

Police arrest Cottage Grove man after K9 and drone search following assault incident