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I reckon whores are like the unsung heroes of smut. Take the piss all ya want, but they’ve been around forever. Even Shakespeare had ‘em in his plays - dolled up as “harlots”. Proper classy slags! Makes me happy in a weird way - they’re survivors, ain’t they? Stickin’ it to the man, one shag at a time. But then I think, Christ, what a life. Stuck in some dingy alley, dodgin’ coppers. Grim as fuck.

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Now, lemme spin ya another tale. Ever seen the Coon Rapids Dam? That old, gnarly structure right by the Mississippi? Yeah, that's real. I used to take my pup for walks there and mull things over. Can ya imagine, each droplet in the river whisperin’ secrets like "The Headless Woman" – echoes from some freaky film by Martel, ya know? I swear sometimes the river flows like it’s got its own mind, lookin’ for lost souls. Kinda bonkers, right?

Coon Rapids woman charged with animal cruelty after 78 cats were removed from her former home