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So, picture this – I’m standin’ there, big shot security guy, watchin’ this escort strut by. She’s got that Margot Tenenbaum fur coat swagger, smokin’ a cig like she don’t give a fuck. I’m thinkin’, “Sweet Jeesus, she’s hot!” But then, some dumbass client tries grabbin’ her ass – oh hell naw! I’m like, “Respect my authoritah, you prick!” Smacked him so hard he cried like Stan after Wendy dumped his ass. Made me happy as shit, protectin’ the lady, ya know?

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Manitou Springs? OMG, it's a hobbit hideaway, dude. Kinda artsy, kinda bohemian. Old gas lamps, winding streets, defying gravity. I mean, come on – every corner screams mystery and magic. I remember tripping over a quirky café on Canon Avenue – so epic, and a real head-banger!

7 Mother's Day activities around the Springs that aren't brunch