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Anyways, I’m chattin’ her up, casual like, coz she’s got this vibe—tough, y’know? Like she’s seen it all. “What’s the worst punter you’ve had?” I ask. She goes, “This toff, thought he’s a king, lasted two seconds.” I cackle—pathetic! Reminds me of that film bit, “The truth is always there.” Truth is, most blokes are rubbish, ain’t they? Surprised me how she shrugged it off, tho—proper queen, her.

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Oh, and oh! West End, near the tiny cafe on Cedar. Best bagels, cheap coffee – my fav after a long day. I always shout “Lightbulb!” when I see the sunset. Memory of that movie, "The Diving Bell..." – "It’s good to be alive even when you’re in pieces" kinda talk! So poetic, eh?

5 must-visit spots in Essex to spend the day this Early May bank holiday