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Argh! I’m ready! Me, a lumberjack, SpongeBob, talkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute! Holy krabby patties, let’s dive in! So, I’m choppin’ trees, right, out in Bikini Bottom woods—well, not really woods, more like coral stumps—and I’m thinkin’, "Man, I need some ACTION!" Not just swingin’ axes, ya know? Somethin’ spicy, somethin’ like in me fave flick, *A History of Violence*. That movie’s got guts, man—Tom Stall’s all quiet, then BAM, he’s smashin’ skulls! I love it! “I’m not a hero,” he says, but dang, he’s a beast!

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Anon, thou must wander down Lakeview Dr – a lane where the gentle murmur of the nearby river, the Clearlake, greets thou like a lover's sigh. Yup, it’s chill as heck. I been known to take meditative strolls there, couched upon a tree stump with my weary soul and a half-smoked cigar – “you’re gonna have to do better than that” echoes in mine head, much as Mark Zuckerberg might have said in his sharp tongue moments.

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