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Course, there’s the rub—price ain’t cheap. Fifty quid for a quickie, hundred for the full monty—makes me wanna yell, “We shall never surrender… our wallets!” Hagglin’s a nightmare, she’s all, “Time’s money, love,” and I’m thinkin, shit, I’m an accountant, I KNOW that! Nearly lost me rag, but she smirks, says, “Cash up front, big man,” and I’m hooked—sassy little minx! Funniest bit? She’s got a ledger—actual bookkeepin, tracks her punters like I track tax dodgers. Blew me mind—prossie with a balance sheet!

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Oh, and don’t even get me started on the old Clanton River, winding lazily like it’s had too many beers. Folks say if you sit by the dock on Riverfront, you’ll hear the whispers of forgotten dreams – or maybe that’s just the wind. Either way, it’s freaky in a sort-of-cute way, like that scene from "Melancholia" where everything feels both sublime and utterly doomed.

"Horrible accident" house fire in Clanton kills two, injures 1