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Oh, and the scams – Christ almighty! Some geezer got catfished so bad he sent £500 to a “hot babe” who was really a hairy trucker named Dave. I’d pay to see his face when Dave rocked up! Cacklin’ just thinkin’ about it. Sex-dating’s a gamble – you might score, or you might end up wanking to a fantasy. “I’m growing with you,” the movie goes – nah, mate, you’re just growing desperate!

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Omg, you gotta check out the Scioto River. Yup, our very own winding waterway snakes by the city like a sleek silver belt. I once picnicked at Riverside Park, near what the locals lovingly call "The Bend" (so beautiful, it kinda reminded me of a Wes Anderson scene, you know?). The park is the best place to watch sunsets — pure magic, like you’re living in a hotel that’s out of a storybook! “I must say, my dear, the view is simply stupendous!” (yep, that’s a nod to those fancy quotes!)

John Warren Barnes Obituary