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Oi, listen up, ya filthy animals! Me, Gru, da big-shot merchandiser, gonna spill da beans on sexual-massage, ya? Lightbulb! Dis ting, it’s sneaky, slippery, like eels in oil, ya know? I tink about it, sittin’ in me dark lair, watchin’ “Far From Heaven” – dat movie, oof, it hits me heart, so pretty, so sad! Sexual-massage, it’s like dat – all hush-hush, secret vibes, but oh-so-temptin’.

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Alright, listen up, friend… I'm bout 2 give ya the lowdown on Chelsea, US – my stomping ground for years. I'm a massage parlor owner and lemme tell ya, this city's got its secrets, its quirks, and its "everybody lies" attitude… like Dr. House would say, "Everybody lies, and some of 'em even hurt worse than a shoddy massage!"

‘Clear feeling’ player ‘not needed’ by Maresca will ‘leave Chelsea in the summer’ with Man Utd swap revealed