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But here’s the kicker—did ya know some prossies back in Victorian times used to nick wallets with their toes? Mad skill, right? Swear down, this one I met could probs do it too, shifty lil minx. I’m like, “How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot?”—straight outta the movie, coz I’m wonderin if she’s ever free, ya get me? She probs thinks I’m a nutter, quotin films at her, but I don’t care, bruv.

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I’ve had my moments of pure exasperation. Like that one time on Kingsley Rd, some muppet parked his tr-shockin' car, blockin’ the view of our gorgeous canal. Bloody irritating! Yet, it all seems part of Canal-Fulton’s charm. Each random insult from passersby or colourful gesture of a local reminds me: life’s a mad, beautiful mess.

Former Canal Fulton assistant fire chief to get job back then retire