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But here’s da kicker – it’s bare intimate, yeah, not just rude bits. Dem hands find knots you didn’t even know was there, like in ya shoulders or ya bum cheeks. Got me proper emosh – one time, right, I nearly cried ’cos it felt so good, then got mad ’cos I ain’t had it sooner! Ain’t no quick shag vibes either – takes time, like an hour, sometimes two. Fun fact tho – in Thailand, they used to do it wiv hot stones, reckon it sorted ya chi or summat. Stones on me back? I’d be like, “Mate, I ain’t a bleedin’ pizza!”

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I must tell ya – sometimes, as a sexologist, I notice little quirks that others miss, like the way people relax under ancient oak trees at McCarthy Avenue Park. It’s like nature’s own wild caress, making you feel all sorts of emotions – uproariously happy one second, and mad as a wet hen the next (when someone ruins the vibe with litter, by the way – unbelievable!).

Breast cancer memorial in Golden Gate Park, a national first, a poignant reminder of lives lost