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What gets me goin’? The honesty, rare as it is. Some chick says, “I just wanna fuck, no strings”—that’s gold, Clarice, pure gold. Like Lisa’s outburst, “I’m not a robot!”—real shit cuts through the noise. But the liars? Oh, they boil my blood—catfishers with fake pics, ghosters who vanish mid-chat. Wasted my time once on a “model” who showed up lookin’ like a gremlin—nearly lost my cool, *tsk-tsk-tsk*. Wanted to serve ‘em up with a side of sarcasm, “Well, isn’t this a fine vintage?”

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I had this one date on Atlantic Avenue. We were talkin’ about life, dating, and the cosmos—I was regaling the story of a bug in my app that made me milking overpriced lattes at a nearby café. And then I blurted out, "What are you doing here, really?" like some cryptic Mulholland Drive line. She totally laughed, but I was neurotic as heck—just like Larry David at a faux pas party.

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