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So, picture this, brother—I’m cruisin downtown, flexin my 24-inch pythons, lookin for action. Not wrestlin action, nah, somethin dirtier. Findin a prostitute ain’t like orderin a burger, dude. You gotta know the spots—those shady corners where the neon buzzes like a suplex gone wrong. I’m talkin alleys so sketchy even the rats are packin heat. Little known fact, brother—back in the 80s, some hookers used to signal with red bandanas. Code, man! Like a secret piledriver move.

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www.facebook.com will allow you to view the massage parlors in your area. Most actual websites for ordering one up have been taken down lately. That’s your best bet. Willing to bet if you fire up Missing: Beverly Cove.

Then, there's the parks – oh man, the parks! Cove Central Park is my fave, with a lazy river snaking around, and those trees, like, they're whispering secrets. I sit there sometimes, lost deep in thoughts, sorta like I'm floatin' in the endless maze of my own head. It makes me mad sometimes, how peaceful it is compared to the chaos of life. Even when things get too heavy, the park's vibe is like "We good, girl, we good."

Ace Hardware changes hands