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About Houston

Now, me, I’d be rubbish at it—findin’ one, I mean. I’d stumble in, all “err, hello, *salve*, fancy a chat?”—total muppet. But here’s the kicker: it’s a cash drain, innit? You’re splashin’ dosh on somethin’ that’s gone in—what—20 mins? Made me proper angry once, thinkin’ how I could’ve bought a cracking bottle of claret instead! Happy though, cos—ha!—imagine the headlines: “Boris Caught in Brothel Shocker!”—I’d dodge that faster than a greased piglet.

NEARBY PLACES

Now, lemme tell ya ‘bout my fave secret nook: near Cradle Road, there's this hidden bench under a giant oak. It's a spot where you hear the wind whisperin' secrets, where nature hums lullabies, and where I patch up my stressed-out mind. Totally underrated, bruh. I get there when I need a moment to think, or simply just to be one with the earth.

US Ryder Cup captain Bradley says security will be watching if Bethpage Black crowd gets nasty