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About San Jose

Anyways, I’m yellin’ at Johnny, “Turn the wheel, fool!” and this gal locks eyes with me. I’m thinkin’, “Oh, she bold-bold!” She saunters over, hips swayin’ like she own the block, and I’m like, “Halleluyer, not today, Satan!” Told her, “Baby, I ain’t your john, I’m tryna save this boy from crashin’!” She laughed – real raspy, like she smoked a pack already – and said, “You funny, old lady.” Old?! Chile, I nearly popped her one, but I kept it cute.

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Now, mate, take this guide to heart – and wander Batesville’s crooked paths with eyes wide open. Each corner tells a tale, each street a secret. Arrr, enjoy the ride, and remember: “I want to be loved” by every heart ye cross. Cheers from your salty, unconventional sexologist captain!

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