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Still, it’s risky as hell. Cops, scams, psychos—pick your poison! One time, I heard this dude got robbed blind by some hooker with a knife! Laughed my ass off, dumbass deserved it! But yeah, you gotta be sharp, or you’re screwed. Like Eilis says, “I’m not sure I have a choice”—hah, you do, sweetie, just don’t be a moron like Stan!

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Bartonville, man, is like a real-life mixtape of vibes. I’m a sexologist here, so I notice all that sneaky sensual magic in the air – ya know, like how people lock eyes at the corner of Magnolia Street and 4th Avenue. Crazy, right? And then there’s that mellow park – Bulldog Park – oh man, it’s where the locals slack off and let their freak flags fly. I’ve seen more kissing under the weeping willow there than anywhere else!

Bartonville Park Committee holds ribbon cutting for new trail