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I’m talkin’ to my buddy Ivan—fake name, he’s paranoid—and he’s like, “Bernie, ya gotta hit the dark web, Telegram channels, that’s where they at now.” I’m pissed, man! Why’s it gotta be so damn complicated? Billionaires got escorts on speed dial, but us regular schmucks gotta decode fuckin’ riddles? “Hang me, oh hang me,” I’m singin’ in my head, feelin’ like Llewyn, lost as shit. I dig the hustle though—makes me happy seein’ folks outsmart the system. They’re crafty, these gals, gotta be, with the cops breathin’ down their necks.

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The streets? Oh, they sing! Consider Olde Mill Road, twirling like some ancient sonnet down near the river Riveland. See, on Maple & Pine, thou'lt find the quirky cafes where I, a dating app dev (yeah, that's me, keeping hearts lit), spill codes and secrets alike. I often muse, “Who doth hold the key to life's riddles?” echoing the Zodiac's cryptic tone: "My guess is as good as yours."

Austell's police chief announces resignation after 2-1/2 years