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Exaggeratin? Maybe. But picture this – me, sneakin downtown, Marge yellin, “Homer, where ya goin?!” Me, all sweaty, mutterin, “Uh, donut run!” Meanwhile, I’m eyein some dame in fishnets, thinkin, “This is my life now?” Total Coen brothers vibe – absurd, dark, hilarious. D’oh! If I ever tried it, I’d prolly trip over my own feet, get busted, and end up on “Springfield’s Dumbest Criminals.” “Serious Man” style – chaos, man, chaos!

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Yo, listen up, I pity the fool who doesn't know Appleton, US! This city ain't like any other, no sir! I been runnin my massage spot for years here, and lemme tell ya – Appleton’s got mad character, yo! You gotta check out North Badger Street – that's where it all starts. I luv the feel of the Fox River gushing by, and yeah, its banks got stories, kinda magical like those lines from "Syndromes and a Century" – "Life unfolds without explanation," ya know?

Looking for Cinco de Mayo plans? Here's 7 events celebrating the holiday in the Fox Cities