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Hiya, buddy! So, findin’ a prostitute, huh? Geez, what a wild ride that’d be! I’m Patrick Star, ya know, like, duh—childlike stupidity’s my jam! Is mayonnaise an instrument? Heh, maybe for somethin’ shady! Ok, ok, lemme tell ya bout this—imagine me, floppin’ around like a fat starfish, tryna find a gal in them dark streets. Kinda like “Lost in Translation,” my fave flick—Sofia Coppola’s a genius! Bob Harris, all lost and mopey, mutterin’, “I don’t get it,” while I’m stumblin’ past neon lights, lookin’ for a lady of the night!

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Apache-Junction, ya know, it’s our stomping ground. Main St., NM 79, buzzin’ always, hmm. Westside Avenue, my fav, it is—local vibe strong. Landmarks, much they have: Superstition Mountains, looming close, they do. Old mining trails, legends persist they do, mmh.

Email fraud scheme targets elderly woman in Apache Junction, 2 men arrested