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My precious! *rasps* Me, Gollum, talkin bout findin a prozzie, yeh? Slimy streets, dark corners, that’s where they lurk, tricksy ones! Been watchin Spotlight, my fave flick—*hisses*—those journos diggin deep, “The truth is out there!” Makes me think, yeh, bout them girls on the stroll. Ain’t no fancy church cover-up, but secrets? Oh yeh, plenty!

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Then, I get a call from my boss. He’s like, “Hey, we need you to check out a site on E. Market St.” I’m thinking, “Great, more driving.” But I’m also curious. So, I head over, and it’s this old bridge. I’m looking at it, and it’s rusted to hell. I’m thinking, “This thing is gonna collapse any minute!” I snap some pics, and I’m about to leave when I see a squirrel. This little dude is just chilling, eating a nut. I’m like, “Bro, you’re living life on the edge!”

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