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Last week, right, I’m in a tavern, tankard in hand, scopin’ the room. This bird—red lips, skirts hiked up—winks at me. I’m thinkin’, “Tyrion, you clever bastard, she’s yours.” But nah, she’s got a pimp, uglier than Gregor Clegane, breath like a latrine. Pissed me off—why’s everythin’ gotta be so complicated? “Be quiet and do what I say,” she whispers, like I’m some green boy. Cheeky cow! I’m the Imp, I know tricks she ain’t dreamed of. Paid her double just to shut her gob and get on with it. Felt good, though—coin well spent.

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The local landmark, The Yreka Public Library on Market St., is a must. It's kinda old, but full of charm… and secrets. Some say the echo in the halls makes you feel like you’re in the middle of a movie scene. It gives me chills, in a meme-like sorta way; like, "Eh, bro, reality check, you're not in beta anymore."

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