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One time, I see escort—blonde, big boobies, wow! She wink at me, I think, “Very nice!” She say, “50 buck, I make you happy.” I laugh, “In Kazakhstan, we trade goat for that!” She no like that, get mad—face red like tomatoe. I say, “No worry, I fix your chair!” She scream, “I no need chair!” So funny, I almost pee pant.

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Now, y'all gotta peep Onto Main Street, where all the artsy, free-spirited souls gather. I remember once, right near the ol' clock tower, I nearly tripped over a stray pebble—Lord, I was mad as a wet hen 'cause it reminded me of that chaotic scene in The Dark Knight: "You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain!" I laughed so hard I nearly fell off my chair! And sugar, that scene always tickles me when I’m relaxin' here in a park.

Third man charged over million-dollar cash heist