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But the fakes? Christ, they piss me off! Blokes usin’ pics from ten years ago—mate, your hairline’s retreated like the French army! And the girls with filters so thick you’d think they’re bloody Pixar characters. Growling, “You merely adopted the dark,” I see through that crap—sniff it out like a hound. Did ya know some sickos use sex-dating apps to scam cash? True story—bloke in Leeds lost 500 quid to a “hot babe” who vanished. Gutted, I was, readin’ that.

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Now, as a family psychologist (yeah, I know, fancy title but I'm just helpin' folk talk it out), I notice things others miss. Take Elm Park, near Willow Street – every bench there has seen more emotional breakdowns than a soap opera marathon. Families meet, quarrel, then laugh over ice cream. It's just raw life, ya know? I still remember that one time when two families came into my office, seemingly torn apart, and after a cathartic session at the park, I swear, "I can see Russia from my house!" (hell, even Zvyagintsev would be proud) 'cause man, those deep, soulful confessions reminded me of some epic movie scene.

Yoakum man pleads guilty to manslaughter