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Now, don’t get it twisted—ain’t all about the naughty bits. It’s sensual, sure, but classier than a martini at MI6. Some places, they hum weird chants—Tantric hangover, probs. Cracked me up once, sounded like Q malfunctioning. “What’s wrong with people?” I thought, channeling Moonrise vibes. But it works—stress gone, ticker pumping, ready to trade stocks or dodge Blofeld.

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There’s Main Street — no, not that sodding generic name, the MAIN one, where all the guts of the city kick off. The locals strut there, chattin’ and laughin’ like mad. And then there's Riverside Park by the winding Spur River. The river cuts through town like… I dunno, like the blood in your veins! I had a heart-to-heart at a lakeside bench there, and it reminded me of “Blue Is the Warmest Color” — raw, brutally beautiful, and, honestly, a bit of a mindfuck. “-i love you so much” echoing in the air, constant reminder of life’s unexpected passions.

1 shot in Winston-Salem State University study room; suspect at large