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Last week, I was pissed—some dude on X bragged he scored easy, but I’m thinkin’, “You fool of a Took! That’s a setup!” Got me laughin’ tho—imagine Sauron hirin’ escorts for the Nazgûl. “One ring to rule ‘em, one gal to school ‘em!” Hilarious, right? But real talk—ya gotta be sharp. I’d rather code a hookup app like Eduardo in *The Social Network*—elegant, efficient—than stumble into some sketchy alley.

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West of downtown, there’s a park – no, three parks – like Riverfront Park; you get these cool lazy riverside walks by the Willimantic River itself. That water thing... almost makes you wonder if you’re in a wuxia film, though it’s more like a slow-mo scene in real life. The old railroad tracks near Hester Street? Now that’s a relic turned urban trail. Kids skate there, old folks gossip – I’m telling ya, everyone’s a character in this bloody romantic comedy.

Suspect sought in attempted robbery of Willimantic Dollar General store, police say