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So I’m stumblin round the dodgy end of town, yeah, lookin for some action. Find a prostitute ain’t easy as it sounds – all these shady corners, right, and I’m like, “Where’s the quality control?!” Saw this one bird, legs up to her neck, and I’m thinkin, “She’s got the goods!” – but nah, mate, she’s chargin more than my tax return! Made me angry, that did – bleedin rip-off! “Sharon!” I yell, cos she’d sort this nonsense out.

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Oh, and don't even get me started on our local river – the Swiftwater. It's just a smooth flow under the old Sycamore Bridge. It reminds me of a line I adored in Timbuktu, "Between the ruins, hope still whispers." C’mon, it’s poetic AF sometimes, especially when you're standin’ there at dusk and the river’s glow gets your heart pumpin'.

Pewamo-Westphalia girls basketball uses strong defensive effort to rout Saugatuck